the end..

too many things had happened in my life..esp relating to my love life..which is now gone...

yup..he broke it up last nite...and not a single moment was i regretfull or whatso eva..

i dont know y i wanted him to be the one who decides..mayb mainly coz i dont wanna be d one 2 b blamed..coz i know that if I were the one who made the decision, after the broke up..sumhow along the way, i WILL miss him n i WILL call or at least msg him...

so when he said the 'putus' word..then if he ever comes back, i can straight away say it to his face tat he was the one who decided..(childish, huh? biarlah....)

tapi kan..come to think of it..he DID broke it up by putting ALL the BLAME on ME..( ada ka broke up cuz i xnak jadi d guarantor to his car's loan..and also put the blame on me since i xnak tlg dia, so if he doesnt get the job in Kementerian Sukan (which requires him to have a car)..then its my fault..hmm..apekah la...u're d one yg x dpt d job nak blame org lain pulak..kecoh betul laa...)

but before last nite..so many things had happen between us..so many frustration, sadness...tapi.... the sweet memories can never be replaced either...

as much as i hate all the things tat he had done...i just cant deny the chemistry tat was there...we loved cats..and ribenas (yeah..yeah.. i know it sounded stupid to just fall in love wif someone that has JUST these 2 things in common!!)

and what saddens me the most is when i think "why is he doing all these nonsense? cuz if you love someone, you wont be doing all those crap things to the person u love and cared most...

is it true that i'm the only one that he has? how sure am i that he's not treating his ex-gf like how he has treated me??(they are EX according to him la kan..kalau he's still in a 'hanging' rship wif em i xtaula kan..)

there's just too many unsure things about him..yeah, sure he took care of me..but then he was never REALLY there when i needed him the most...sure he was there when i had the biggest fight with my mom..and he was also there when i was ready to move out of the house (of course..he only SAID that he'll find a house for me...but those just stayed as WORDS, never were put into action... ) y cant he be sincere and kind like how he had helped me throughout the worst experience i had with the robbers?? why cant he sacrifice like how he sacrificed when i was in Bali? siap bagi extra money and called me EVERY SINGLE day while i was in Bali..siap top upkan lagi...WHYYYY????

and if its wasnt for my dearest fwen...i wouldnt have notice the manipulative and deceptive mind of him...all the lies and threats...gosh..only God knows how hard it had been for me...thanks so much yang (u know who you are..)...thank you so much for all the time you sacrificed in listening to my mourns..my haywire moods (esp when i was in Laos eh? managing 60 soldiers is nothing..i even got left behind at the waterfalls eh??haha! still, they were great and werent too much too handle..its the memories, smell of after-shaves and faces tat resembles him tat i couldnt handle..)

its been so, so hard...but at the least i still have ITAM (my cuddly, wobbly and cheeky cat!!)..my FAMILY (who will love me no matter what; even after the BIGGEST fight - yelling, crying n all!!)..and lastly my everlasting CIRCLE OF FWENZ (who has always been on the lookout for me..)

Thanks so much for your guidance, guys..wouldnt have made it without everybody's help!!!

and lastly, THANK YOU GOD for showing me the greatest lesson in life through this testing..it may be so painful that i wont be able to forget it at all...at least not in nearest time...but i've become a new person...someone who will always be on alert...dont trust ppl THAT EASILY..and i now realize who truly loves me and who r the ones who'll just be around when THEY NEED YOU, but were never there when u needed them the most...

. . . T H A N K Y O U . . .